![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mcityYou should not write that "Alice sees the form of Bob" unless shapeshifting or bodysnatching or suchlike is involved. If you want to convey uncertainty on Alice's part, say something like "Alice sees...Bob?" or "Alice sees what looks like Bob." Without uncertainty, it's just "Alice sees Bob."
Similarly, Carl's face does not "adopt a frown", unless you're implying the frown is a false expression, or the tone of the story actually requires such verbiage. "Carl frowned." There you go.
And it is not necessarily funny that you're breaking the forth wall, no matter how wacky the injoke.
Think of writing like a taxi; your job is generally to get the reader to their destination as quickly and efficiently as possible. Purple prose is often the sign of someone writing like they think a writer "should" write, instead of using the writing to tell the story.
Read your stories aloud, and see if anyone talks that way. If you have difficulty saying it, it's generally time for a rewrite.
Similarly, Carl's face does not "adopt a frown", unless you're implying the frown is a false expression, or the tone of the story actually requires such verbiage. "Carl frowned." There you go.
And it is not necessarily funny that you're breaking the forth wall, no matter how wacky the injoke.
Think of writing like a taxi; your job is generally to get the reader to their destination as quickly and efficiently as possible. Purple prose is often the sign of someone writing like they think a writer "should" write, instead of using the writing to tell the story.
Read your stories aloud, and see if anyone talks that way. If you have difficulty saying it, it's generally time for a rewrite.
