mcity

I've also discovered a story series-with spinoffs-on the same Very Specific website as my previous post. Basically, there's a virus that changes people based on their whims, depending on what they are thinking when they come into contact with it, or their desire for an ideal body, or both. Strangely, all of their desires seem to fall into the same general area. Since it's the main subject of this Very Specific website, the most common, by far, is breast enlargement. Apparently a lot of people want breasts the size of a city block. Also, a woman gets a vagina for a mouth because she likes oral.

I'll give you a moment.

It's all so bleh. Yes, big dicks, extra breasts, a vajayjay where your face would be, the occasional hermaphrodite, but where's the variety? Sure, their was that one guy who basically became a pheremone-spewing Adonis, but he was the exception. Someone who apparently got an expansion fetish from watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and others were mentioned in the background.

Where are the furries? Where are the latex-clad kinksters? The size queens and leather daddies? Where's /d/? Why does everyone seem to have the same general set of fetishes? Why don't we hear about a grown man who turns into a little girl? Or a rapist who turns into an invisible nigh stalker with a dozen tentacles, each tipped with a blade? What about someone with a scat or watersports fetish?

And given that this virus is incredibly dangerous, why aren't people who have it quarantined? I mean, wouldn't there be a high risk of the people giving themselves block-sized boobs or turning themselves into giants accidentally killing someone?

Personally, the only real alterations I'd want is to get rid of the cyst on my wrist, immunity to wrist strain injury-I spend far too much time on the computer-and the ability to control the length of my body hair, including the ability to make it all fall out. I'd save a bundle on shaving crap. Of course, given that these wishes are invariably granted in the most sexual way possible, I'd probably end up with tentacles instead of hands, and my skin would turn to plastic or latex or something, like a doll. Which would make frying anything much riskier.

Come to think, what happens if a child is somehow infected?

Yes, I know I'm taking it far too seriously, thank you. IT'S KINDA MY THING

A Few Excerpts

Your father or male guardian does not have the luxury of knowing your suitors like you do.

Men's opinions on women < women's opinions on men. Got it. Someone who used to be a teenage boy is going to know a lot more about them than a teenage girl. The suitors specifically, probably not. In general, yes.

If things are going well between your guardian and your gentleman caller, your male guardian will dislike your new boyfriend. He'll play with guns if he has them.

Iceowl seems to have gotten their ideas about courtship entirely from sitcoms.

Under no circumstances are males to be trusted. They can be controlled for brief periods during which they are safe. But then they must be either released into the wild or neutered. Domestication is not possible. Under the proper conditions, any male will return to his natural illogical, biologically unrestrained state.

There is a recurring topic in feminist discussion; saying sexist things against women is Not Okay, even as a joke. Broadly, I agree. I would also extend that to men, and am, in fact, personally offended by being compared to an unfixed and untamed dog.

There is nothing more dangerous than an insecure male. All the world's worst wars have been started by insecure men who blame their failures on the weather or other people, and feel their minor successes are worthy of Nobel prizes.

I'm sure Boudica, Queen Elizabeth, and Maggie Thatcher would be surprised to know that. No, wait, you said the "world's worst wars". That's remarkably specific, especially considering that most of the people in and leading the military have overwhelmingly been men, meaning that even if the rate was the same for both genders, it would still give the edge to men. This is only slightly better than the canard "All wars are started by men."

All teenaged boys prefer the company of their male friends to female company. They need time to grow into a non-physical appreciation of women. Right now, the only reason they date women is to practice spawning and then to go back to their friends and brag.

First dogs, now toads. Lovely.

All men have a contemplative side.

Finally, something positive.

Your job is to stay away from it until you can handle what's inside there. Take ten or fifteen years before venturing there. It's full of landmines and useless whining.

Okay, I've got a sneaking suspicion this list was actually written to recruit new lesbians.

Because men deny this contemplative side of themselves as their "feminine side" many are troubled by this aspect of themselves

I like how the closest thing to a positive side in men is the part that's associated with women.

Teenaged boys have a difficult time figuring out how to negotiate their first relationships.

True, but so do gi-

They don't understand the meaning of the term. There is only "doing" or not "doing". Everything in the middle is detritus to them.

...Screw you.

As is true for you, for young males there is a "point of no return" at which for the prospect of sex the male will abandon all common sense and commence the process whether you are ready or not.

Note how no comment is made on the incidence of this state among young men (and exclusively young men). Perhaps it's during the full moon.

However, in both cases, it is nearly unstoppable--and I say "nearly" because the only possibility of getting out clean lies in your ability to generate substantive and believable ridicule. You must be totally disappointed in him. Presuming you're not dating a rapist ( in which case both you and soon your male guardian will be in a whole lot of awful grief. For you bear the physical and mental scars, and he will spend the rest of his life in jail for premeditated murder)

Not only are young men animals who only want to have sex with girls, but their dads turn into murdering monsters the second their daughters are raped.

letting your male friend know the prospect of sex with him is a major yawn is probably the best deterrent.

Because there's no chance a young man will politely respect a young woman's desire not to have sex, and her only hope is being passive-aggressive. I mean, it's not like young women would actually want to have sex with boys, right?

(I'm being sarcastic, but at no point does the essay mention women having any desire for sex. It mentions them having it, sure, but men are the initiators, and women are unlikely to actually enjoy it because men can't understand female sexual pleasure.)

Make no mistake. Your male guardian will cause grievous physical injury (or death) to anyone who harms you. Every day he prides himself on imagining he will do that. Do not pull that trigger unless you are serious. You have seen the movies. Be careful. Some things cannot be undone.

Seeing as movies are well known for their accuracy in depicting healthy human relationships.

Young men do not understand female sexual response. To put a finer point on it: they have zero concept.

Um.

Male sexual response, despite what stand-up routines and sitcoms claim, is often a lot more complicated than "10 stimulate penis 20 goto 10". I know that, and I'm waiting until marriage. The list makes no reference to what men like; merely penetrating the goddess called women is assumed to be enough. No man, ever, likes foreplay, or small boobs, or Albanian Pudding Wrestling, and sex is a burden to be borne by the heterosexual woman, since it is entirely impossible that an inexperienced lover can become a better one by listening to his female partner, so she shouldn't even try.

Your mother has probably told you by now, men talk about themselves obsessively

"A wise and sensible woman has probably told you a generalization."

Three, they're afraid you'll start talking about something that interests you...

Because young men are only attracted to young women for their bodies, and under no circumstances would be interested in someone they actually shared interests with.

The best way to get a guy to stop talking about himself is to go to the movies, feed him, or tire him out. Then, when he's not talking, he'll be dead silent and you'll be tempted to ask what's on his mind. Don't. Wait twenty years. He'll start having a genuine interest in what you're thinking. Until then, watch a lot of DVDs.

So, let's review. Men are animals, sex isn't fun because young men don't know what women want, and men don't learn how to take non-physical interest in women until their mid-thirties, at least.

Young men are frequently ill equipped to handle the emotions that arise from having sex.

And so are young women. In fact, studies indicate people's brains don't fully develop until their late teens, lacking critical decision-making structures.

One, most people have more sense than to sleep around like sluts if only because of the horrible deadly STDs out there not to mention the fact that confident people don't need sex for affirmation (remember the caution about insecure partners!),

"Liking having sex means you're insecure, like a man."

and two, nothing other than bullets or drugs has the ability to wreck your life more than a rotten sexual relationship.

That's not exactly true. Any romantic relationship, sexual or otherwise, can have negative effects on people's health, especially after breakups.

I especially like how it says men aren't interesting, then denigrates men for not being interested in women. Double standards much?

Here's a post about the double standards in gender-based t-shirts.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/19/urban-outfitters-tranny-greeting-card_n_1364589.html

Jill probably should've told Jack something like that before they started to fool around. If I had, I dunno, a piercing which may effect the theoretical lovemaking, or a tattoo shaped like the head of Satan emblazoned on my pubic region, I would consider it entirely responsible to inform my partner of such a fact. Hypothetically, I mean.

The funny thing is that the card just says Jack is surprised. It doesn't actually say he actually minds Jill being a transsexual. Maybe he's into that sort of thing and Jill wanted to surprise him. Happy endings all around! In more ways than one.

*scroll scroll*
Huh, this blog has a lot of pictures of pretty women, even by tumblr standards.
*scroll scroll*
Pretty women in very little clothing.
*scroll scroll*
Oh.

Good thing I didn't find this tumblr in public.
*scroll scroll*
What, does he have some sort of fetish for girls in bowties?

A qipao or cheongsam is a Chinese dress.

Geisha are Japanese.

If you're going to create a comic that is entirely about women being objectified, would it really be so hard for you to have a little cultural sensitivity?

-J

I can pretend, for the sake of the story, that a certain confluence of random events could end up becoming a virulent, sentient virus, turning the crew of the space station into monsters.

However, I can't buy that the scientists had the animals on board to study their reproduction, yet the resulting abomination of a species was exclusively--and, ahem, prominently--male, even if the station was crewed entirely by men.

Much better to simply have the animals be pets of the personnel, present at the accident, and all male.

Also, don't try to sell us on the species being the good guys because they just want to be left alone. I admit, it was rather clever to have them seem like mindless monsters, then it turns out they're sentient, but it doesn't change the fact that they are a blight upon the galaxy who could easily infect the next ship that comes along, unless you'd have the government spending a lot of effort guarding the station. In fact, precisely that happens during the course of the story, when pirates come straight in when they get our initial group's distress beacon. And what happens if some lunatic or nation decides to just point the station at an enemy planet? The species is nearly invincible. Even nukes don't work; they'd just kill the sentience of the members who still have it.

Basically, you're arguing that the government should just let the lab full of experimental tech that the virulent adaptive species can integrate with just sit there, based on the minority claim that they just want to be left alone. That and 60p will get you some crisps.

Srsly
-J

This story takes place at a college that is deserted for the plot device, yet still has enough students to hold several parties, art classes, the indoor pool is open, the gym is open, and a paintball game in the woods. Almost everyone who is still on campus is male. There's a secret society that has access to magic and somehow manages to field assault teams against the invaders. You'd think that someone, anyone, would call the cops after hearing gunshots, or seeing men in tactical gear, but curiously, the assault team they sent in first never managed to get a shot off. Basically, the so-called story is an excuse for the Very Specific subject matter.

Anyway, this chapter starts with the society managing to disrupt the connection between the interdimensional invaders who have been turning people into monsters throughout the series, and the college. This knocks out the victims and changes them back to semi-normal. The team we're following enters a building and realizes the bad guys are using tunnels, and they may be at the command post. They want to purify the joint, and their command tells them to sweep the first and second floors of the tunnels to see if they can capture an enemy officer before deciding whether to perform the ritual.

Naturally, they don't see anything suspicious about command knowing how many floors the tunnels have. In fact, we're not even sure their radio's been compromised. They may just be commanded by idiots.

They don't split up entirely, just into two teams. The wizard, call him Alpha, goes with Bravo and Charlie. At some point during the sweep, Bravo finds a handheld video game system, and plays with it, with the assistance of Charlie.

In the middle of an operation where their very souls are on the line, without checking it for magic.

Alpha tells them to cut it out, and they ignore him. A few minutes later, he finds them completely engrossed in the game, and yells at them for not protecting him, threatening to report them. Even after they turn off the game and hand it to him, they still keep talking about it. He doesn't call them on it because he doesn't want an argument.

I want to make this clear. The expert they're with. Did not want. To give them a command. When they had obeyed his commands before.

When they stop and Bravo steps around the corner to take a leak, Alpha realizes Mac is staring, and scans for any magic. It's clean. He turns it on and begins to play, out of "curiosity".

Naturally, it turns him into one of the monsters. Apparently, the invaders have hax.

Since the secret society of societal secrets has already lost one team of high-speed low-drag tactical operators operating tactically, and there are several other teams, I'm going to assume those were the guys who were actually competent, and what we were seeing in this chapter is the equivalent of the special class.

What...what is this?

(Yes, I know exactly what it is, thank you very much. I just find those captions amusing. Yes, I read captions about leather daddies for fun, what of it?)

"Brigadier, what a nice surprise! This your first visit to the boot-serfs' drill-yard? Yes, it's all very bijou in scale -- central London property prices mean it could hardly be otherwise, I'm afraid. Do you fancy a stint here? Ha, ha, ha -- no, I mean up here in the overseers' gallery! Oh, so you've taken a shine to that hulking blond lout, number 7C...I must warn you he's a thug...but of course I can have him sent to you this evening...no problem. Oh, you've noticed the fly of my breeches...yes, sir, I confess I do find this work pretty stimulating. Erm, why don't we go and have tea? Pierre has made some of what I gather are your favourite cakes -- cream horns -- and there's a rather delightful Met policeman I'd like you to meet..."


All I did was search flickr for "chav", for Pete's sake. I didn't expect there to be an intersect between Burberry and BDSM, but there you are. And here I was;

Mounted Scoutmaster 59
"My chavs all agree that much the most decadent of the military men they service regularly is my brother, seen here leaving my house last winter after a particularly wild debauch."

Who is supposed to be writing these, anyway? What character's hand pens these immortal lines? What sort of organization is this? How are promotions earned? Is there a divide between enlisted ranks and commissioned? I'm no trendsetter, no style pioneer, but this leather stuff looks high-quality, expensi--

Mounted Scoutmaster 82
"So-called ball-stretching is a fine and manly pursuit and useful too in that low-swinging gonads command respect everywhere. It's very much on my conscience I've not been paying greater attention to the Scout's needs in this regard. Anyway, the Master Saddler of an elite British Army cavalry unit tells me he will have a selection of different sizes for my lads to try on next week. As on previous occasions, we'll make it into a competition and I will ceremonially strap the winner into his stretcher. The Troop record is a stretcher with the eye-watering height of 160 mm."

AHAHAHAHAH.

This is just fantastic.

DISCLAIMER: I am not making fun of BDSM or it's practitioners itself, nor homosexuality, I am just saying that I find this one flickr account, of the one guy, amusing and interesting in a way that was not intended by the person who wrote it. This is also my reaction to politics.

Then I checked, and found that, yes, they really are all hot.

Then I made a post about it on my LiveJournal without a link, just to tease Srsfic.

10th result in Images was a motivator based on softcore Creeper Rule 34.

BLEEP EVERYTHING