mcity

Big movie this Friday, eh? Big movie.

Iron Man 2, as of yesterday, was at 75% or so on Rotten, compared to the 93% of the first movie. Complaints included too many plot threads-which I was worried about-and trying too hard to set up for the Avengers. Of course, there are only about 50 reviews so far, compared to the original's 200+, and I'm fairly certain most of those would be from, y'know, the British. I'm still going to see it, because unless Favreau lost his fool mind completely*, the absolute worst case is that I plonk down seven bucks for a good movie.

Possible spoilers ahead. Predictions assume familiarity with the trailers, by which I mean "have watched a single commercial break on any network during the past month." And if you live in the UK or have already pirated it, shutupshutupshutup.

Opening. We are clearly in the cargo bay of an aircraft of some sort. Pan across to Tony in his Iron Man suit, near rear of plane. Blah blah blah, Tony-Pepper banter, Tony leaves the plane and lands at the Stark Expo. Standard issue Stark speech, While the expo continues, camera pulls out for Ye Olde Ye-Have-Actually-Been-Watching-TV-Coverage scene change. Whiplash's room full of crazy and HOMEMADE ARC REACTOR OMGBBQ.

Senate hearing. Gubment: I can has Iron Man suit? Tony: No you can't has! Introduction of new Rhodey, who has both lost weight and changed skin tone.

Tony's home gym. Boxing Rhodey. Rhodey talks about how the military could sure use the IM suit, Tony rebuffs him. New notary, played by ScarJo in redhead wig. She's actually Black Widow. No accent, because she's a spy. Tony hits on her, natch. From a leaked preview;

"I need your impression."

"You're supernaturally beautiful."

"Your fingerprint, Mr. Stark."

Introduction of Justin Hammer—hey, it's the red shirt from Galaxy Quest—Tony's evil counterpart with worse hair and. I think he's recruited by Gov't to make them a suit, Rhodey is roped in unwillingly.

Big race. Tony presses flesh and kisses babes, ignores Pepper's advice to be careful, broom broom fast fast. SURPRISE MICKEY ROURKE. Tony deploys the Suitcase Centurion suit, defeats Whiplash, quips.

Tony visits Whiplash in max-sec cell, Whiplash gives us Hannibal lecture from trailer.

Whiplash's transport is diverted into hanger, meets Hammer, who offers him a job. "I wanna make Iron Man look like an antique."

Tony eating donuts in donut, Fury asks him to step out of it. (leaked preview a go-go!) Cut to inside, Tony sitting at table, Fury opposite. Tony wonders whether Fury is real, Fury says yes, tells Stark to man up, leaves.

Whiplash tells Hammer he'll need an Iron Man suit to make the War Machine suit.

Someone steals the Mk II. There's a classic mirror shot in the trailer, with the Mk 2 staring at what appears to be the Mk 4 in Tony's gym, and another shot of Stark smacking whoever's in the Mk 2 around, same location. Very few people have access to Tony's house, and given that the WM suit shows up later with technically correct Air Force markings, I'd have to guess Rhodey.

There's a leaked preview, the same one as before, that ends with Hammer speaking to Rhodes over what looks like the Mk 2. Hammer shows Rhodes a bunch of weapons and asks which one he wants in the suit. "I'll take it."

"Which one?"

"All of it."

(Preview cuts to WM blasting away with both arm guns and his minigun.)

There's a shot I can't place in the little timeline I've got going on here. Tony rips open his shirt, and we see what looks like some sort of technological infection under his skin. IO9 wondered if it had something to do with the Extremis storyline from the comics, but the movies seem too hard sci-fi to use NANUHMURSHINS. My metaphorical money's on something going wrong with the arc reactor, possibly damaged in Whiplash's attack. Which explains why he'd be working on that mysterious triangular number from the trailer, aside from having another figurine for the kids at Burger King to buy.

That presentation with the War Machine armour backed by drones? That's not a Stark presentation; it's Hammer's. Even the pattern on the background screen is different, and there's at least one shot in a trailer of Hammer hamming it up with one of those Britney Spears mikes on, except without the burden of being the low-hanging fruit of late night monologues for years to come.

So, Rhodey reconciles with Tony for some reason, while Black Widow infiltrates Hammer HQ. "Looks like the fight's comin' to you." Ambushed by Hammer drones, Stark and Rhodes team up in their respective suits for the first time in a Japanese formal garden.

For some reason, a chase ensues: that bit with IM whizzing through highway pylons while someone's shooting at him. At some point he rescues Pepper, or something. For all I know, the chase takes place before the reconciliation with Rhodes, and the double-bro Drone-Smahin' scene.

Meanwhile, Widow has to escape from Hammer HQ. Scenes we've seen in trailer, ScarJo demonstrating her remarkable flexibility.

So, who's the end boss? Is it Whiplash or Hammer? How about both? Each gets some kind of suit, and IM takes on Whiplash in his Crimson Dynamo armour, while WM fights Hammer and/or tries to prevent his escape. Alternately, IM and WM fight CD, possibly with WM disabling WM's armour to fight Tony man to man. Tony wins, and he or SHIELD catches the escaping Hammer in some clever fashion. I imagine Hammer on an airplane icognito, with Ye Olde celebrity baseball cap and shades, and Fury sits down next to him, says something clever. Credits.

Oh, and it'll win its opening weekend. But we all knew that.

_{*Or worse, Executive Meddling. Sam Raimi didn't want to put Venom in Spidey 3, remember. Jon does not need some monkey in a power suit on his shoulder telling him to put Avengers plot hooks in.}