Dear random internet writer,

[mcity]

There is no need to have every other sentence end in an exclamation point, nor is there any need to frequently change perspectives, with the switches marked by <hr>s. Simply use the tight or loose third-person perspective, and switch the focus to a new character when needed.

Rough as your work is, it still represents a significant improvement over the first chapter, where nearly every sentence ended in !, and every paragraph was bracketed by horizontal rules.